(sent in by an oa’er)
HOPE: Happy Our Program Exists
HALT: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired
DETACH: Don’t. Even. Think. About. Changing. Him/Her.
FEAR: False. Evidence. Appearing. Real.
THINK: is it…? Thoughtful. Honest. Intelligent. Necessary. Kind.
STEPS: Solutions. To. Every. Problem
NUTS: Not. Using. The. Steps
QTIP: Quit. Taking. It. Personally
LOVE: Let. Others. Voluntarily. Evolve
HOW: Honest. Open. Willing.
Written this past weekend:
“It was transcended by the happiness they found in giving themselves for others.”
–Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th edition, page 159, A Vision for You
During my time in recovery, I have gotten really good at giving help. There are ways that I enjoy giving: I really like to share my story of recovery (grateful that I have one to share), I love traveling for OA service, and (most of the time) I appreciate getting to write this recovery reflection. I have also gotten really good at understanding the words “stop” (I have done enough) and “no” (let’s give someone else an opportunity). I have learned a lot about giving. Yet, there is still one area where giving continues to be a challenge: Giving help to my partner in ways that work best for him!
Today my partner’s daughter, her husband and their dog are coming to visit. She is cooking dinner for us and her grandparents. My partner has a lot of complex feelings going on. I want to support him in ways that are meaningful to him. So, I am getting to practice newer behavior. I am being present and showing up! I am listening to him. I am acting in ways that bring him comfort instead of conflict.
Today is about my partner and his family dynamics. The best way that I can help him today is to remember that (and not make it all about me). I think I can do it; you all have taught me well!
Hugs and love,
Atiya M.Durham, NC, USA919-302-1030 (no text messages please)firstname.lastname@example.org
First of all I would like to say that I put a few events on the calendar so you may want to check there. There’s an event as soon as tomorrow.
Next I would like to say HI! to my lovely oa’ers and happy March! I love March. Maybe it’s because of daylight savings time which I love but others tend not to. Maybe it’s spring cleaning (well no). Or maybe it’s sort of a rebirth. The trees are starting to get their leaves, the flowers are blooming (and the pollen) or just that it’s warmer and there’s not an ice storm going on. Speaking of which, I hope everyone made it through alright. I was blessed enough not to lose electricity but I know there were many, including my parents, who lost electricity for several days. Since I’m talking about rebirth, etc, it may be the right time for me to rededicate myself to my program; do all the things that I know will help my program like outreach, service, using the basic tools and “saying the serenity prayer, doubling up on my meetings, saying the 11th step prayer, and working with others “(Sandy Beach).
I had someone contribute (and all of you can do that too) who would like to remain anonymous. Hoping everyone is well.
Anne (with an e not annie :))
How do you know if you’re ready?
The first time I ever shared in an Overeaters Anonymous meeting, it went something like: “I haven’t been ready to address my weight, and I’m not sure I am now. There is something stopping me, but I’m not sure what. One of the things I don’t want to let go of is the cute clothes I’ve collected.”
Leave it to me to bring the humor. I just can’t help being myself, warts and all, silly thoughts and all, honesty and all.
For years, I didn’t know how to approach my weight. During casual conversations with relatives and friends about holiday weight gain or pandemic weight gain, I would squirm and shuffle when they would mention things they were doing to improve. If they would say they were trying a keto diet, I would softly smirk. If they said they were going sugarless, I would nod. Sometimes, I didn’t have an answer at all because I knew there was something holding me back deep down inside.
How could I begin to address the problem I was facing? In order for me to reach my normal weight, I would have to lose 100 pounds. It seemed like a mountain to climb, a challenge too big to face. I didn’t know where to start, and I knew the inherent weakness when my answer to that conversation was, “Yeah, I need to get healthy, too.”
I knew I had no intention of doing such a thing, and I certainly didn’t know how. My food issues didn’t begin with carelessness over the holidays or boredom during a pandemic. In fact, my unhealthy relationship with food began even before my weight issues did. As a child who had little oversight, I indulged in an anything-goes buffet of my own creation, fueled heavily by sugar. By adulthood, those habits were fully ingrained.
Like most of my OA peers, I had tried every diet imaginable before determining there had to be a better way. I also knew a better way would ultimately mean confronting the issues that had wrecked my life for so many years – traumas, losses, lack of self-love, being stuck – and I didn’t want to face any of it. That, in a nutshell, is why I hadn’t been ready.
For many of us, overeating is an issue of the mind first and foremost, and the body follows. Being ready to reform my relationship with food would mean being ready to confront the mental weight I was carrying around, as well as the physical weight.
Who wants to do that? How fun would that be? The truth is that change isn’t always pleasant. If inner peace came so naturally to us, we wouldn’t struggle to begin with. For some of us, serenity is something we must actively work at every single day.
Being ready to lose weight equates with being ready to make a mental shift. Not everyone who comes to OA will be ready for that change the first time they arrive, and that’s OK. Everyone’s time frame is different, and every person’s recovery is unique.
Today, I know that despite the difficulties in making that mental shift, the rewards are rich and encouraging. It feels good to rid myself of mental and physical baggage, and for the first time in my adult life, the scale is moving in the right direction. Each small victory gives me hope for the future. And I now have a growing toolbox of resources and fellows to help me face whatever lies ahead.
Will there be bumps in the road? Of course. But I’m grateful I made the decision to give OA a chance, and at some point along the way, I became ready to make a change.
So I’d like to start this post off with a quote from Mr. Hollands Opus. The reason is because I was in a group and we were discussing the need for sponsors. According to a well known OA speaker, a sponsor is not required to work the steps. But it sure makes it easier. If you’re in an unfamiliar forest, you can eventually get out. I might get out. It may be hours, days, weeks, even months, but you will get out. Now if someone hands you a compass, you’re more likely to get out sooner. If you have a guide, it would be a piece of cake (sorry). I think of a sponsor as a compass and a guide. Someone who has been where I am (the forest, the wilderness, the desert) and made it through alive. Why wouldn’t I have a sponsor to shorten that time of being lost. With that being said here is a quote from the movie Mr. Holland’s Opus that made me think of the compass scenario:
Principal Jacobs: Mr. Holland! Just the man I was looking for. We’re forming a textbook committee for next year’s curriculum. And I would like to have your ideas and suggestions. We meet next Tuesday night in the library.
Glenn Holland: Oh, I’m sorry, Mrs. Jacobs. I’m… I’m very busy on Tuesday night.
Principal Jacobs: Uh-huh. You know, for a good four or five months now, I’ve been watching you, Mr. Holland. I’ve never seen a teacher sprint for the parking lot after last period with more speed and enthusiasm than his students. Perhaps you should be our track coach.
Glenn Holland: Mrs. Jacobs, I get here on time every morning, don’t I? I’m doing my job the best I can.
Principal Jacobs: A teacher is two jobs. Fill young minds with knowledge, yes. But more important, give those minds a compass so that that knowledge doesn’t go to waste. Now, I don’t know what you’re doing with the knowledge, Mr. Holland, but as a compass, you’re stuck.
Here is some words of wisdom from Atiya and I’ve also added some pearls of wisdom.
Atiya Mosley (email@example.com)To:you (Bcc) DetailsListen and Learn. February 14, 2021
Listen (to my HP, Healing Path) and Learn (the next indicated action). Listen (to my inner self) and Learn (what I need and what’s important to me). Listen (to my sponsor) and Learn (how to accept humanness). Listen to (you) and learn (how to practice spiritual principles in all of my affair). Listen (at a meeting) and Learn (the hope of recovery).
Thanks for teaching me how to listen and learn. Happy Day of Love!
Atiya M. Durham, NC, USA919-302-1030 (please not texts)firstname.lastname@example.org
Atiya Mosley (email@example.com)To:you (Bcc) DetailsHonesty February 6
-Spiritual Principle of Step One
A significant area of my dishonesty is omission. I am very skilled at manipulating the truth. A few weeks ago, I was given credit for organizing a special event with former OA trustees of color. I am also responsible for an amend arising from the same event.
Although I invited a speaker who is no longer in OA, I did not share this information with all of you. I wanted OA members to attend. So, my announcement implied that the group of us holding the event were on our way to being a registered OA service body. This was true (and has happened). Yet, when the former trustee who is no longer in the fellowship shared matters that some considered outside issues in addition to her experience, strength and hope, I justified (in my mind) that this was not an “official OA” event. I can’t have it both ways!
I apologize to all of you for intentionally omitting information and for my dishonesty. I invite your loving feedback on ways to make this right.
Atiya M.Durham, NC, USA919-302-1030 no text messages firstname.lastname@example.org
Hi the board has a majority vote to postpone the Meet and Greet. Pat F says she will go to Essen to meet any diehards. Stay safe and warm!
BATON ROUGE INTERGROUP
FUNDRAISER MEET AND GREET
Social Distancing…Wear your mask…. Items for sale: Purple & Gold Slogans Tote $5 each Recovery Greeting Cards (locally designed and printed) pack of 10, $12 per pack
SATURDAY February 13TH
2pm TILL 3:30ish
8401 United Plaza Blvd, Baton Rouge, LA 70809 (Off of Essen Lane)
OUTSIDE! TREE-SHADED AREA! Look for the big field with big trees, and semi-secluded parking between the building and Essen Lane.
If you have any questions, please call Jan B.
A new Friday meeting is starting February 12th at noon! It will use the same logins as the other meetings and will focus on step 11.