-Step Twelve, paraphrased
On Monday after a night of insomnia (preceded by an emotional conflict with my partner), I had a spiritual experience.
After some of my spiritual practices that morning (meditation, calling into a telephone meeting and two recovery phone calls), I had a spiritual awareness: Could I simply choose to believe in God? Is belief simply a choice?
After my cardio workout, I went to do my sit-ups and an old, familiar song (Whatta Man by Salt ’N’ Pepa) came streaming through while I was still on the telephone meeting (something which had not been technologically possible in the past): “OK!” I said to a higher power. “Yes I believe!” I then (while simultaneously listening to the telephone meeting and this song about a good man) had the awareness of my part in the conflict with my partner: “I am the one who is expecting perfection and not accepting. I need to reflect the mirror back on me.” I also had the awareness that perhaps I could go without in person meetings for the week, while out of town, to accommodate the schedules of others. “Yes I can trust!”
I left the gym and drove home, choosing to sit with the spiritual awareness (turning off the radio; not making a telephone call). Being with it. Noticing the silence. Recognizing it. Hearing inside: The stillness is within. Continuing to be aware and awake spiritually (though barely physically, I chuckled to myself, with only 3 hours of sleep). Love, lightness & laughter are the answer!
Let’s see where this goes. Trusting more will be revealed (it always is). Thanks for serving as loving witnesses.
Atiya M.
Durham-Raleigh, NC
919-302-1030 (no text messages please)
